we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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