am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
