I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
birth control should be required to get into college
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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