Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
