I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
