I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
