his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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