if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
