I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
