we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is Oprah even human
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
