what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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