The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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