I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
