Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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