I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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