yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
