I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
