my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
