she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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