when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
