Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
