There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
