My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
