i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
