She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
