mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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