I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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