Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
