I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
