Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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