If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
