No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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