I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I enjoy the company of your penis
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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