How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
