I wanna passion pit in your ass
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
