I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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