I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
is it fun? or sober?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
