k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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