just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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