he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize