Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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