I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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