so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
