So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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