So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
