Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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