Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
