I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
