I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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