I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
