I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
