You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
