He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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