You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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