Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
