I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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