Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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