i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
