apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
