ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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