walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
