with your own penis?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
