Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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