I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
