you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
