My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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