Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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