I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
