There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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