This girl is more easily done than said...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
