yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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