My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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