dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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