I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
