I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need moral support for this bender
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
