I could make wine with my vomit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
