just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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