I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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