You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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