Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
