then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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