it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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