I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
