sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
